Today I had dinner with a friend whom we have not met for several months as she was feeling unwell for a period of time. When I had to attend to an sms from someone, she asked me who that person was. I told her it was a nice person who wanted to help to make cross-stitched bookmark for Cat Welfare Society (CWS). My friend gave me an incredulous look and was amazed that such society exists.
I briefly explained the work of CWS and she said she and her neighbours have been complaining about the stray cats around her block to the Town Council. There are many of them and 2 mysterious ladies would feed them in the morning and night. The cats make lots of noise and would harass the residents. The Town Council has responded to their complaints by saying they would look into it but nothing has been done.
My friend said she just wants people to stop feeding the cats so that their population would not increase. I explained to her about the benefits of sterilising the cat, releasing them back to the estate and feeding them responsibility. She went "Sorry, but I don't believe in your cause."
It was quite a shock for me to hear that. She doesn't think it's a good idea for people to co-pay the cost of sterilising the cats (if they submit the necessary form and receipt to get reimbursement of $10 per cat from CWS). I know whatever I say, it would fall on deaf ears.
I didn't tell her that Mum and I have been caring for the community cats in the park near our place. She would be appalled. We then went on to talk about more agreeable issues.
I guess I have to respect that people have different views and it would take more than a dinner conversation for her to understand why I do what I do.
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9 comments:
its often we get different views, but hard to find people who can accept all these different views as what they are. take it in your stride :)
Most Singaporeans are heartless, especially towards animals which do not give them that "coveted" status, say a Husky (which in my opinion is a great dog but definitely not suitable to live in sunny humid Singapore).
I think you should tell her too that you feed the community cats. It's not a crime to feed them as long as you do so responsibly. If I were you, I would want to see her expression when I tell her that.
hhmmm... for the last time, feeding does NOT increase population!
perhaps you could tell her by feeding, the cats will actually stop harassing her. actually i find it hard to believe that cats harass her. because the community cats i know, are friendly only to people who feed them.
duh..
it's not just a perception problem.
there's a fundamental flaw in her thinking and reasoning.
not feeding the cats doesn't decrease their population. it's a gamble at best with no statistics. but with sterilization, it effectively NIPS the population in the bud.
we know this because it's a logical thought/process and conclusion. but some don't. so no point in arguing.
but this is how i sift out the gems among friends. i need intellectual, logical and lovely pple who share certain ideas across a spectrum of issues. and not frogs in the well.
I do have other friends who are scared of cats or do not care for animals. When they know that I'm caring for community cats, they would be quite apologetic that they are not fond of animals like me. But last night was the first time I face some kind of opposition/disapproval from a friend. Her tone and words seem to imply that I'm wasting my time and efforts. I can't make all my friends share the same interests but I'm happy that most of them respect what I do and some even show interest. As for those who don't, I just don't talk about this unless I need to correct their wrong perception of community cats.
My friend also takes care of cats in her neighbourhood but faces criticism from all the neighbours in her block. There was even a management meeting to tell her to stop. In the end, she was allowed to feed them but only outside the condo grounds.
hi dear, don't be disheartened ok? I know many times that's our reaction when we get these kind of remarks from our friends. From strangers it would be different, doesn't affect us so emotionally or personally. From friends, sometimes it hurts or disturbs us badly cos it can come out like a personal attack. It's good to let her know about the community cats and their situation as it's GK and education, and I would agree that there's nothing wrong in letting her know you feed the cats because it's not something shameful. If she doesn't want to be your friend or doesn't want to associate with you cos of it, then there is something fundamentally wrong with the friendship and it may affect the other parts of the relationship too, cos I know the cats are important to you and I've been observing that these community cats and their issues are slowly becoming bigger in your life. As anon says, there are "all walks of life". Perhaps your friend says it out of ignorance and a different experience. Sharing with her your experiences and knowledge would be one way to help her understand your view and you could do this slowly and when the opportunities arise. I try to understand those that don't like animals/cats too, and sometimes I try to put myself int heir shoes and understand their experiences and it helps me realise that they do have a point sometimes and it helps me accept much better that they have a different stand and it can also be reasonable.
I had some friends who couldn't believe that I decided to do this for a job - I think some of them still don't quite understand why, but I think they've come to understand that it's important to me and so they're supportive of that. As Imp says, it shows you whom your friends are.
The funny thing is that over time I can see my friends (even the ones who didn't quite buy into TNRM) becoming pretty good advocates of it. One of my friends said that another friend wanted to buy a dog and he repeated what he thought what I would say - and you know what? He got it perfectly right :)
Thanks for all your comments and advice. Really appreciate them.
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